Women, did you know that you can transform any male into your love servant?
“Dear Dakini Devi Bliss,
After six years of marriage and two children, I would like to become more dominant in the bedroom but my 37-year-old husband won’t submit to me. He claims that it that it would feel weird and unnatural for him to do so. Moreover, he says that he doubts if he would enjoy it. Is there anything I can do or should I just give up the idea?”
Over the years, multiple women have written me emails with different variations on Krista’s concern.
Such totally valid concerns cannot be overlooked in a healthy, happy heterosexual relationship.
Before addressing Krista’s question, we must break down basic male psychology.
Most males have been socially conditioned to be in charge. They strive to be alpha males whenever they can. In their minds, being a beta or a submissive is synonymous with masculine weakness.
Thus, a majority of men have difficulty being vulnerable or acknowledging their feelings. For them, having feelings also equals being weak and relinquishing control.
Yet, it takes far more strength and courage to be submissive than it does to be dominant, especially for a male.
It takes core confidence, inner acceptance and self-love to trust another enough to completely surrender to them, emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually.
In order for your partner to feel comfortable surrendering control to you in the bedroom, even for one night, you need to do the following:
- Create a safe, non-judgmental accepting space. If your male partner suspects that there’s a remote chance you may think less of him for submitting to you, he will likely not do it.
- Go out of your way to reassure him that you love him. Tell him that you will respect him just as much and hold him in even higher regard for trying something out of his comfort zone for you.
- Tap into your feminine self-confidence and Inner Siren. You must know exactly what you want. In order for him to submit to you, he needs to trust you fully and completely. This means you have to be comfortable and prepared to take charge. If you are first starting out, you may not know what you’re doing every step of the way. However, practice makes perfect so ensure you create a basic game plan. Then, be open, flexible and let things flow from there.
Rule No. 1…Start Off Slowly! It will intimidate your partner if you try to go from 0 to 60 in one night.
The best way to introduce the Domination/submission dynamic into your bedroom is to start off with playful, sexy, non-threatening games.
Games are fun and everybody likes to play them! I created a series of completely original sex games with a D/s spin that you can try with your partner at any time, starting tonight. Here’s one of them to get you started. I call it “Quiet and Still.”
The Be Quiet/Stay Still Game
Materials Needed: None
Materials Needed: None
Instructions: Have your partner lay down and relax. During this game, he must stay completely quiet and still. He cannot speak, make sounds or touch you in any way.
He cannot lean up to kiss you, reach out to touch you, arch his back up towards you. He cannot do a thing but be still. Begin by lightly touching him everywhere.
If he shivers even in the slightest, his turn is immediately over. If he doesn’t move, continue the game by rubbing, licking or kissing him.
He is not allowed to move at all, not even his lips to kiss you back! If he does, his turn is over. Then, you switch places!
Play this game for as long as you can until it’s impossible for both of you to stay quiet and still any longer. It’s a win/win game for you both!
There are different levels of dominant/submissive play. Play around to find a level that feels safe, comfortable and sexy for you to enjoy with your partner.
If you are interested in exploring more playful sex games that incorporate all sorts of hot teasing, feel free to explore my Secrets of Submission Dark Tantra Session for Couples.
I am Dakini Devi Bliss, a Certified Tantric Facilitator, Sacred Inimate and Blissful Bodyworker. A gifted, lifelong spiritual seeker, I have been formally trained in energetic aura manipulation, Kundalini awakening, Tantric healing, healing bodywork therapy and Reiki. In my multiple-disciplined approach, I manipulate sexual energy for the highest good. With a background in tantra, kundalini yoga, meditation, qi gong, energy work, sexual psychology and relationship coaching, I employ a unique, rich healing blend for each client. My tantra training initiation was a lengthy process extending over several years, including studies in India, to gain the necessary experience to instruct others. My spiritually-based professional practice is ideal for those wish to open up to a higher, enlightened state. My work is geared for those interested in using tantra to create kundalini awakening and a deeper connection to their partner(s). I possess a nurturing, joyful nature with a peaceful warrior mindset.