Over the years, I have a compiled a wealth of exercises for couples of all ages and backgrounds to help boost their intimacy and sense of connectedness. Typically, couples who access tantric coaching are in a secure place in their partnership, not on the brink of divorce. Indeed, they simply wish to boost their intimate connections and re-forge sexual connection and elevate their already good relationship to an excellent one
Clients consistently respond to the following intimacy exercise:
Do the following in any order on a daily or bi-weekly schedule.
Soul Gazing. To engage in soul gazing, face each other in a seated position, knees close to touching and hold eye contact for 3-5 minutes. You scan and blink if needed. it may feel awkward for the first couple of minutes. Avoid talking during the exercise. If the quiet is too uncomfortable for you, choose a 4-5 minute song and commit to holding the eye contact for the duration of the song.
In our modern age, we are constantly inundated by the external distractions, this connection exercise efficiently re-ignites the hearth fires. Doing this a few times per week will give you that slowed down connection you and your partner are looking for.
Extended Cuddle Time..What is your bedtime routine? Are you both distracted by cell phones, laptops or books? Do you rationalize that these items help you fall asleep? Did you known that the ‘happy chemicals’ released in your brain from both cuddling and sex can better promote sleep. Enjoying an extended cuddle session a few times per week does wonders for your intimate relationship. A few of my clients cuddle to a certain music playlist that they know is a specific length of time (often 30 minutes) as their daily required minimum of physical affection. But that’s what works for them. How would you like change up your bedtime routine? Think about it, talk to your partner about it, and then incorporate it into your lives as a non-negotiable connection habit.
7-Breath Forehead Connection Exercise. Whether you’re lying on your sides or sitting upright, face each other directly and gently touch your foreheads together. Put your chins down slightly so your noses aren’t quite touching. Foreheads touching, breathe seven deep, slow breaths in sync with your partner. Similar to the eye contact exercise, the first one or two breaths may feel like they’re taking up a lot of conscious thought, but by the third or fourth breath, it feels like very natural. This exercise isn’t limited to seven breaths but seven is the perfect minimum number of breaths for you to both really drop into the moment and connect. If you and your partner feel so inclined, you can do this exercise for several minutes.
Uninterrupted Listening. To better connect with your partner, this non-verbal exercises is a great starter. Set a timer; let your partner say or vent whatever they want. They can share their feelings, how their day went or whatever they wish. During their verbal dump, you job as receiver is to simply listen without offering any advice or verbal feedback. Imagine your partner’s words as a flowing stream of emotion; soak it up. Offer non-verbal listening cues with your eyes or body language; however, the receiver’s role is to just listen to their uninterrupted stream of consciousness. Commonly, one partner is more verbal than the other. The quieter partner often welcomes a chance to verbalize their thoughts without interruption as they are frequently interrupted in their daily life outside the home.
Weekly CEO Meeting. Do you and your partner lead busy lives? Communication errors manifest as unfinished arguments, unmet expectations and unheard desires which transpire throughout the course of a week. Use the weekly CEO meeting as vehicle to hold your unfinished business up to scrutiny. For this exercise, schedule a non-negotiable 30-minute connection block where you both actively rid your space of all distractions. Then, hold a mature, proactive conversation.
Start with the following questions:
How are you feeling about us today?
Is there any unfinished business from this past week that you wish to discuss?”
ow can I make you feel more loved in the coming days?
Things.. Go! Do this quick, simple exercise anywhere. Whenever you or your partner calls out your unique codeword or theme, you both go through “5 things” within a certain topic. Some common examples would be 5 things that you’re grateful about in your life, 5 things you love about your partner, or 5 things that you would love to do with your partner within the next few weeks.
Either take turns counting out your five (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 – 1, 2, 3, 4, 5), or take alternating turns each round (1, 1, 2, 2, 3, 3, 4, 4, 5, 5)
The playful versatility of this exercise allows you to get creative. The exercise and numerous lists that you sound off are only limited by your imagination.
List five things that would go into your ideal day, five ways your partner inspires you, five wonderful things your partner has done for you recently and the most 5 significant things your partner has ever said to you.
Infuse Your Relationship with Intimacy. When I tell clients to intentionally set aside time in their calendars to re-connect as a couple, I can be met with resistance, such as “What? Shouldn’t we naturally feel just as connected as we did when we first dated?”
Know that no romantic relationship on earth can thrive on autopilot; rather, it can only work if both partners pour their collective hearts and souls into it. You may coast without doing any intimacy exercises but if you want a sacred union, explore them. You may be pleasantly surprised to discover some playful yet effortless ways to re-connect as a couple whenever you need an infusion of intimacy.